I have been away for longer than I had expected to be... and I still don't know when I will feel like writing again. There is something that disturbed me yesterday and made me want to share something. So, here it is.

You must be aware of it by now, we changed calendars and entered the last teen year of this century. Incase you didn't wish me and I didn't wish you back - Hope you have a happy, healthy and a prosperous new year. Also, Incase you haven't figured it by now, I am a little miserable and as the saying goes - Misery likes company so I put this image as my whatsapp status.

I felt very intelligent and smirky in copying and pasting this from someone else's post.

About few hours after posting this, I was idling some time away and looked at this post and re-read it. I couldn't put my finger on it but I didn't like what I had done. My heart asked me - Why? What is the purpose of this message?

A few minutes later, I answered. I am tired of telling everyone that my hubby is unwell. It has been over 6 months and I am really tired with everything. I am so ready for this tough to get going.

2018 has been awful health wise and I was so hoping to start this new year with good health but we've had a crappy start to the new year. There is little hope to which we are clinging and maybe this next week will help us know how bad or good things really are.

This doesn't grant me any rights to spread negativity. People who have good health and a prosperous life have enough things to be joyful about. I shouldn't be adding any tinge of guilt or negativity to their celebrations.

I was awake in the middle of last night because my thoughts didn't let me sleep for over 2 hours. In the silence of the darkness, I heard emergency sirens for over a dozen times and I realized that it could be us but thankfully wasn't. Despite everything, my hubby is still alive and we are still a family. I have enough to be grateful for. I have been able to put my full focus on 51 stories of US and hopefully it will result in something good too.

I sincerely hope to have a happy, grateful and fearless new year for everyone. Please, if possible, please send some prayers and strength to deal with whatever we have to deal with.