Call me home

I am afraid to tell you this, but I know I must.
I wish I didn't feel so strongly about it, but I do.
I wish I could enjoy myself despite everything, but I can't.
I know I wanted this;
I prayed and begged and threatened.
I wish you hadn't yielded.
I don't like it as much as I thought I would.
I know that everyone and everything is nice, but it’s not what I want now.
I know that you sent me here to learn, but I want to come home.
What is this life without you?
What is it that I want, I don't know?
Why people choose this, I will never know.
You are so far away.
You are watching and guiding; I know you are with me always.
You also know that I want to come home.
Why did you let me go when you knew that I wouldn't like it?
Why did you not stop me or say anything?
Why did you not make it more difficult for me to leave?
Maybe it is your fault and not mine?
Maybe you are responsible for this situation and not me?
Maybe, just maybe, I could have lesser desires?
It is because of you that I want so much.
It is because of you I am here and not because of my wish.
It is because of you.
If only the above were true,
If only I had better sense and judgment,
If only I could have the best of both worlds.
Please, call me home.

--

 

Originally published here

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